And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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