Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
