The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
