just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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