you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
