Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
