Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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