my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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