I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
