My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize