we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
