On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
