so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I CAN MOONWALK!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
