So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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