Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
