he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
