Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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