My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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