ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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