you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
