I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
