Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
