she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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