They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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