I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize