Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
