Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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