You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
