i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
