don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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