Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
