if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just had sex bonerless
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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