Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
