Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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