i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
