i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize