Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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