About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Welp...herpes.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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