Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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