No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
