Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
