Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Randomize
