OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize