Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize