Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize