I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
