Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
