The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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