is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
