dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm like, not good at living.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
