how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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