nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
