my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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