ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
