I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's shark week go big or go home
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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