The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
