wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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