Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
