Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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