im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
