I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
