I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize