he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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