Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
