I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize