ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize