he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
