i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize