I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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