just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
where are you?
Hypothermia
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
