Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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