it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
