Duck Duck Cougar?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
