we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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