I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
