Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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