Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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